A Trip to Her Past
by Cheshire's Chipped Cup
Summary: Things are falling apart, Willow is hanging on by a thread and Buffy is pretty much dead, so what happens when a mysterious child appears and has some strange connection to Dawn? Spuffy, Willoz, XanderxCordy and a twinge of WesleyxIllyria


_Horror ran through her blood like adrenalin, pumping away throughout her body. She tried to remember everything she knew about spells and time-travel, which was nothing. Magic had never been one of her better subjects, but right now she needed to forget all about that._

_Sitting still on the cold wooden floor with her legs crossed and back straight, she cleared her mind and lowered all her mental walls. A strong, feminine voice entered her mind and told her what to do. She repeated aloud the words spoken so quietly in her inner ear, feeling a little queasy as an immense surge of power erupted through her body. Vivid colours flashed in pools around her, sucking her into the eternal vortex. One last horrific scream echoed through the floors before she knew no more._

* * *

Willow knocked lightly on the bedroom door, she received a distracted tone of _'come in' _nudged the door open. She carried a tray with some lunch over to her best friend who was lying on her bed, facing the ceiling. Buffy had her full attention on the small screen of the video camera she was holding. Willow didn't have to ask what it was she was watching over and over again, it had been the same for the last 15 months with never a change.

Buffy stared deeply at the moving image of Spike, rehearsing a scene for an exaggerated story told by Andrew. This footage of Spike had made Buffy glad he had been there.

"Buffy, would you please put that away and eat something?" Willow was concerned.

"I'm not hungry"

"You've watched that thing non-stop for more than a year, honey. Don't you think that's a little obsessive?"

"Does it look like I care?"

"Buffy-"

Willow tried to convince her best friend for the millionth time that she needed to move on, but she wasn't interested.

"It's all that's left of him, Willow, its all I have left; nothing else, just 15 little minutes of pretence. Don't you get it? You of all people should get that. How many of Tara's things do you have?"

"A few things; crystals, clothes, photos…"

"Imagine having none of it, no possessions, no photos, no gifts…I have nothing"

"You've got lots of stuff. Aren't you wearing one of his black T-shirts right now?"

She was right. Buffy's drawers were full of his favourite black Ts and various shirts that still had his scent embedded in the fabric. They didn't fit her of course but she really couldn't care less. They smelt like him, his cigarette smoke and bourbon breath, the bleach in his hair and the old leather he would always wear. But he was vampire, possessions meant nothing to him; and he had taken his most treasured object with him when he died; his black leather duster. She would kill every demon on this earth if she could just have that much of him back. She hated herself for treating him so badly for so long. He had only wanted her attention, her compassion; she could have at least given him that.

It took her three years to finally accept him, even then she didn't dare speak a word of her heart. She knew her heart belonged to him the moment he shattered it by sleeping with Anya, only a broken heart could hurt that bad. And now, because of her greediness and selfishness, he was gone. He was gone where she should live; it wasn't right. He deserved to be here more than she did. She would never forgive herself for leaving him to die.

And now she was home-bound, she couldn't bear walking through the town anymore. No matter where she went, no matter what she did he would always be there. No memory hid itself from her inner eye, no word from his mouth went unheard. She couldn't even go to the _Bronze_ anymore, especially not up on the balcony. It was all too painful and so she had shut herself away from it all. Not one cemetery in the whole town was safe from his touch, he had always been everywhere and she felt sometimes as if she were dying; slow and alone.

Willow looked sadly upon her friend, she hated that she was in so much pain and yet she couldn't do a thing for her. She would have offered to cast a spell and bring Spike back by now had it not been a whole different situation from Dawn trying to raise Mrs. Summers or from the resurrection of Buffy herself, Spike was a vampire and so he would have been sent to a hell dimension. Plus, the last urn of Osiris was long gone.

She moved the tray closer to Buffy and left, closing the door behind her. There was nothing she could do, she had tried everything and Buffy had only gotten worse. She was resenting everyone who had ever said a bad word about Spike; which _was_ everyone. She wouldn't even talk some of the time; she would just lie there watching Spike on the camera over and over and over again. It didn't matter that she knew every line by heart, it didn't matter that she knew every tiny movement, every puff of smoke from his cigarette…she could perform this without practice and get it exactly perfect, she knew it so well she watched it over in her sleep…but it still didn't matter. She had loved him.

Before, after somebody they knew had died there of course would be pain and mourning, but there was always something going on that required their attention and so they were always forced to move on. But the First was dead, the town was full of people again and there hadn't been very much going on in the demon world ever since…there was nothing to distract her. While many demons still roamed the streets not one of them was even remotely brave enough to take her on; they knew she was not a force to be messed with. No one dared threaten her or even speak of her, so she was pretty much retired.

Buffy was free to live her life the way she always wanted, but without Spike there it didn't seem likely that she was going to try. Willow sent up a silent prayer that something would happen soon to help her hero heal…and something did.

* * *

Not a bug made a sound, no star twinkled bright and the moon was more haunting than it had ever been as it bathed the earth in an eerie glow.

Buffy had left the house just as she had done every night for longer then she cared to recall. Wandering through the empty cemeteries she followed a feeling she couldn't explain. She knew there was no point in patrolling anymore, but something kept her coming out here every night as if she were being drawn by something; something she wanted. She felt that if she kept returning to this same place, that if she kept searching then one day she would find it.

But she didn't know what it was that she was looking for and that frustrated her more than anything.

* * *

He made not a sound; he wasn't ready to be seen by her. He wasn't even supposed to be here, she wasn't allowed to know. Buffy needed the chance to be with a _normal_ guy who could give her a _normal_ life and that just simply wasn't him.

Spike watched with cerulean eyes the woman he loved with all his heart as she wandered the world half-asleep. She looked sometimes as if she were in a trance. Why was she still here? Why wasn't she living her life? Why was she still patrolling these silent streets? There was nothing here for her to find.

* * *

People could be happy in Sunnydale; she knew that now more than ever it was possible. But something was holding her back. As she walked through the blackened night she could swear she could feel something, there was a vampire nearby. But she was not afraid; no harm would come to her; not from him. Although she knew who it was that was watching her so closely tonight, her heart and head argued to no avail. One told her he was watching, loving, protecting, as he had done so many times before for such a long time.

In her heart she knew she could feel his gaze, but her head said it was impossible. Spike had been dead for a very long time and nothing was gonna being him back to her, no matter how much she missed him.

A small tear slipped down her cheek and landed in the cold grass beneath her feet. A tear so small should have been invisible on a night so dark as this, but a glimpse of moonlight made it as clear as day to the eyes of her lover.

* * *

Spike sucked in a breath to keep himself quiet. That single tear nearly broke his heart and his whole body was reacting to the pain and guilt.

* * *

It was only a tiny gasp of breath but Buffy heard it none the less. She spun around and tightened her grip on the stake in her hand. Her whole body both tensed and relaxed at the same time. Her heart was pounding and mind was spinning. She wasn't afraid in the least but she did have fear, fear of who it was that was watching her. This felt stupid, she knew who it was, she could feel him with every fibre of her being. She doubted her instincts, could it really be Spike or was it just wishful thinking?

The thought alone made her whole body ache and finally she couldn't take the silent suspense any longer. She took a deep breath and called out shakily, "Angel?"

* * *

He froze; his heart felt like it had been ripped apart.

* * *

Buffy nearly choked, it was not the name she had wanted to say. What if he really was out there? Spike must have been so hurt to hear that name.

She tried again. "Angel?"

It seemed to be the only understandable explanation, but she didn't want it to be Angel watching her. So, trying one last time, she tried to steady her breaking voice through her teary state.

"….Spike?"

No answer.

"Please Spike, if it really is you…please"

* * *

Just the sound of her voice was enough to break his heart all over again. He didn't want to cause her any sort of pain. He knew he wanted her, but he also knew that she needed more than what he could give. A vampire and Slayer couldn't be together, it just didn't work that way. But the misery and pleading in her voice, it was killing him inside.

* * *

"Spike, please come out, stop hiding from me. Please, please…I need you."

She continued to plead. She wasn't sure if she was ready to see him again, but she didn't back down and finally she was rewarded. The tall, dark, bleach-blonde shape of Spike emerged at last from the bushes, portraying a blank expression.

"Here I am, Slayer, I'm right here"

Buffy stared dreamily at him but was at a loss of words. "Good"

Spike tilted his head just that slight way. "I just came back from the dead and the best you've got for me is 'good'?"

Buffy suddenly looked very annoyed; wrong move. "Excuse me? How long have you been back? How did you-where did you…"

She was lost again in the very sight of him. She had had so very many dreams of seeing him again.

"Is any of that really important, luv?"

"It is to me! Where the hell have you been all this time? Why have you been hiding from me? Why-what-"

She could hardly focus on anything right now let alone ask him everything she wanted to know.

All the stress and sorrow that had been building up over the past year finally came out and she burst into tears. Spike approached her quickly to comfort her but as soon as he was close enough to touch she slapped him across the face. He wasn't nearly as shocked as when she pulled him to her quickly and kissed him passionately; holding his face to her's as the tears still spilled.

"Spike, I missed you so much. I don't care why or how or where you've been, I'm just so happy you're back"

He put his arms around her and hugged her so tightly he feared she might burst. She continued to sob into his arms, clinging fearfully to his coat and shoulders as if at any second he might suddenly vanish.

Buffy stopped crying long enough to start kissing him again. This kiss was powered by every memory of how much they had missed each other and so grew in intensity. Spike backed Buffy against the back of a mausoleum and was quickly reversed so that he was now backed against the cold stone. But he could feel the tears on her face and he ended the kiss to let her breathe and regain her self-control. All that came of this was more crying; she was beginning to fear she may never stop.

Spike slid down to sit on the grass with the crying woman in his arms. She had her head on his chest and hushed her sobs as he rocked her gently from side to side. She held on to him so tightly, as if her life depended on it; maybe it did.

* * *

In the gentle moonlight she looked so beautiful, so sweet. But age was starting to show where it shouldn't in one so young. The stress of playing a single mother to her little sister and carrying the financial burden as well as everything else was beginning to show. She was only 24, she shouldn't have to burden so much responsibility at such an early stage in her life. He wanted to help but there was only so much she would allow him to do, she could be stubborn that way. She had to learn how to be weak and in need sometimes because she couldn't be strong all the time.

He then picked up a scent, morning was on its way and he needed to find shelter. But he needed to get Buffy home first. He slipped out of his coat and wrapped it around her and smiled when she snuggled closer to him. He stood up and secured his hold on Buffy before heading to her house.

The Summers house stood still and silent in the cold night, everyone was fast asleep. So Spike crept around the back and to try the door. It should have been locked but it wasn't, it was wide open. He stopped to wonder why Willow would leave the back door unlocked so late at night, she knew far too well the dangers of the town. A small mumbling sound from the sleeping girl in his arms reminded him of the current situation. He decided to ask about the door in the morning but for now he had more important things to do.

Passing Dawn's room he could hear her sobs through the door. She was in pain and she was afraid, but what could cause such a strong girl to cry alone at night like this. He thought of asking Buffy once he got her tucked up in bed, but something told him that she wouldn't know about the door or her little sis.

In her room everything was dark and not just because it happened to be night. Buffy had appeared to have taken on a love for black and silver, an odd combination; it was his combination. He could suddenly feel the silent sickness that tainted the walls of the room. He laid his sleeping angel in her bed and swapped his coat with a blanket, then attempted to exit the room; however he didn't make it past the end of the bed.

Spike looked down at his wrist where fine, pale fingers were clinging desperately to him, keeping him from leaving.

"Buffy, I thought you were asleep"

"I was, and then you tried to leave"

Buffy tried to sit up but he pushed her back down.

"I don't have much time before the sun comes up, luv, I need to go"

"Why don't you stay here? Close the blinds and curtains?"

Spike sighed. "Because, pet, I just dropped a bombshell on you and you need time to figure things out in that pretty little head of yours. I know you"

Buffy looked hurt for a moment, so Spike added; "But as soon as you're ready for me I'll come running"

Buffy didn't let go of his arm, she only pulled him closer. "What if I'm ready now? I'm free Spike, I don't have to worry about protecting the world every week; there are other Slayers now; thousands others, many, many others. Which means that I don't have to worry about the future anymore, I get to live in the now, I finally get to think about what I want and right now I want to be in your arms"

Spike softened his gaze; he couldn't see the harm in staying until she fell asleep again. So he made himself comfortable beside her and put his arm around Buffy's head. She snuggled up close to his cold form, not caring in the least.

"Thank you, so much, Spike"

"For staying?"

"For coming back to me"

"Couldn't stand to stay away any longer"

Buffy smiled as she rested her head on his chest and listened to the silence inside.

* * *

She didn't care that he was cold and his heart didn't beat, he cared and he loved even without a soul and that was all she really needed. He was all she needed. He never ran away, he never left her behind, he was never unfaithful in anyway. He was the one, she just knew it; even if he was born just more than a century and a half ago. She couldn't understand anymore her reasons for hating him for so long, what had she been so scared of? Was it commitment? Or maybe the fear of losing him, chasing him out of town like the rest. Had that been it? She couldn't be sure but what did it matter? He was here to stay.

Buffy enveloped her fingers with Spike's and held his hand to her lips, pressing a light kiss on his cold skin. Spike tilted his head and hummed.

"What's on your mind, pet?"

"You, always you"

Buffy released her hold on Spike's hand and wrapped her arm around his centre, pulling him closer. She was ready to finally sleep, ready to see a dream that did not involve fire and death with Spike blaming her. Tonight sleep would come easy, sleep would be safe as long as Spike was here in her arms; as long as he was real and solid. Everything was going to be fine now, she knew it. She cared not for what anyone else would think, they could piss off for all she cared anymore, they had crossed a line during that last battle and she didn't have to care what they thought of her or Spike anymore; she didn't have to call them 'friends'.

* * *

The early morning light greeted Buffy on the waking breeze that wafted through the crack of the open window. At first nothing was different from every other morning greeted with waking fear, but today there had been no fear, no pain or guilt; just happiness which faded the moment Buffy opened her eyes. He was gone. Or maybe he was never here to begin with. No, he was here, he was alive, he was real, he was just hiding from the sun. Buffy had a sudden panic attack when dusty thoughts entered her mind, but were forced out. Not only was Spike far too smart for that but there wasn't any piles of dust on the bed or the floor.

But that didn't prove that it hadn't all been a dream. The sinking feeling was comforted by the sight of something very special that had been left behind. Spike's prized leather coat was draped over her body, keeping her warmer than it would ever keep its owner. He really was alive.

She wanted to skip breakfast, morning, lunch, and the whole damn day in fact and go straight to seeing Spike again. She thought all about what she was going to say and do, while pulling the coat up to her and hugging it with an excitement and joy she hadn't felt for years.

* * *

For Willow this morning was the same. Dawn was still sick and Buffy was locked up in her room where she would stay until night and then go out and do god-knows what until sunrise again. Nothing changed around here anymore, as far as demons and Hellmouths were concerned, things has been fairly normal. But none of that really meant anything right now, Dawn had been sick for days; not stomach-ache, coughing-type sick, but headaches and confusion and amnesia that never stopped. Willow was getting really worried now.

She couldn't even talk to Buffy about this, by vote of the extended Scooby gang it had been decided that it would be too much for her to handle right now, she had been acting strangely ever since Spike died.

'_Wait, maybe it had been more than a best-friend relationship, maybe she had really cared about him, maybe even loved him. No, she would have told me…wouldn't she? But its been over a year and she's only gotten worse. She's like a zombie now, barely eating enough to fuel her Slayer strength and stamina. This family is so going to Hell!'_ Willow thought, before a second thought entered her mind. _'We're already there.'_

Willow sighed in frustration. Once they had finally fixed the world everything they had all been keeping to themselves for so many years had all come forth at the same time and now everything was quickly falling apart; and there really were a lot of problems to fix and sort. The only reason she was able to keep herself from going off the deep end was that Oz was back in her life and she could have never been more grateful for that.

Suddenly Buffy came skipping down the stairs and almost tripped on the last step, then quickly caught her balance and laughed it off.

"Oops, silly me"

"Are you ok Buffy?"

"Well yeah, I mean it wasn't tragic; I just missed a step"

Buffy spoke loud and cheerfully, a huge change from the silent Buffy everyone had recently come to know.

"No, not the stair-although I am glad you're not hurt- but why are you so, um, 'happy' today?"

Buffy looked slightly confused. "What? I'm not allowed to be happy anymore? What's up with that?"

"No-I mean-well yes-kinda, now. It's just lately, um, you've kinda been…you know what? Never mind"

Willow watched in estranged bewilderment as what looked like her best-friend skipped out the door in much the same way that the Buffybot used to. Either she had just won the lottery or some sort of spell had been cast on her. But who would or could have done this? Not that she wasn't unbelievably thrilled that she was so happy, but there were a lot of consequences that could come from a spell like that. But no one else in the gang could pull off a spell like that and who else would want the Slayer so damn chipper? She was much more alert now than she had been before, much more likely to care.

That was what had been worrying everyone the most lately, Buffy had appeared to be so under the control of her emotions that she didn't seem to care for her own life anymore. If she was approached by a vampire who was confident enough to challenge her she wouldn't have even responded; a very easy target. Willow had been close to having a heart-attack some nights when the thought that Buffy would sit and do nothing while some hell-beastie ripped everyone apart, appeared in her head. It was a nightmare she wished had never come.

But, for the day at least, it seemed that Buffy was now at the top of the list of things to be worried about; at this rate she was sure to get wrinkles. She needed to call Giles.

* * *

Once a month, the L.A. gang would drive 3 hours to Sunnydale to compare notes with the Scoobies, it was a great chance for everyone to catch up and keep in touch; even though the earth was saved allies were still very important.

The Scooby gang grouped together at Xander's house, it was the only place they could meet anymore. Buffy was unpredictable at best right now so the Summers house was no longer an option, the Magic Box was still pretty blown-up and Robin's house was much too small for them all. The number of members in the gang (including the L.A. crew) now came up to 12 people with Dawn and Buffy away. So here they all were; Willow, Xander. Giles, Faith, Robin, Gunn, Andrew, Oz, Wesley, Angel, Cordelia and a new girl called 'Illyria'.

Willow wasn't very trusting of, or sure about Illyria's story. She spoke in an odd, technical way, stating the obvious in long, complicated words. And the hair, who would…wait, a demon of some sort right? So the brown and blue hair probably wasn't her fault. But the blue eyes and blue lips and most of her skin; well what was that all about? To put it simply, Illyria both fascinated and frightened Willow, but the others, well, somewhat trusted and respected her so she would try to do the same.

Giles stood, addressing the entire room. "So everyone, what's the report on our two favourite demon hot-spots?"

Angel also stood. "Well, with the extra help from those slayers you sent over, things have been unbelievably simple"

As he sat back down, Willow took his place. "Along the lines of evil hell-creatures, things have been decently quiet here too. Unfortunately Dawn and Buffy haven't been doing so well as of the late; really bad actually"

Willow didn't want Giles and Angel to overreact but she had been handling this by herself for too long.

As predicted, Giles and Angel both jumped up and started throwing loads of questions at the poor redhead. After she managed to calm them down, Willow began to explain. "Ever since the destruction of the Hellmouth and the school, Buffy has been acting really weird. She went very quickly from being a proud, brave leader to a sad, angry little girl who doesn't want to talk to anyone; she answers me but doesn't ask me to stick around.

"For the past 15 months she has been following a pointless routine of wasting the day away sleeping or staring at the wall, and then disappearing for hours at night. Every night she goes to the same place, there's nothing there but she keeps going back as if in a trance. I followed her for a whole night and she either really didn't care or she didn't have a clue at all that I was there. I would say she's banking on depression, or I would have had I not seen her so chipper this morning"

Giles removed his glasses and proceeded to clean them. "Why would she be depressed, Willow?"

Willow looked down, not wanting to see the pain on Xander's face that would no doubt appear. "When we destroyed the Hellmouth we lost many friends, including Kennedy, Anya and Spike"

Giles cringed at his name. "So? What has this got to do with-"

"Buffy loved Spike! She wasn't _in love_ I don't think but she definitely cared a lot about him, just as he loved her"

Faith was sitting on the opposite end with her feet on the coffee table. "Wow, that's gotta do stuff to B, you probably shouldn't leave her alone for too long. If she was bordering on depression she might hurt herself. It's a good thing we decided not to tell B about little-sis, huh?"

The blue-haired chick across the room decided to interrupt. "You mortals and your feelings, they are your weakness. I do not understand why you entertain them so. What good comes of any of it?"

Wesley sat lazily in an armchair placed next to where Illyria stood; a glass of whisky in-hand. "Illyria, people-humans-can not always control their emotions. It isn't a choice although a lot of choices are made because of people's emotions. But happiness may bloom where once there was loneliness…I'll explain it to you later" He looked rather tired.

Willow watched with great interest. Wesley wasn't as dismissive of Illyria as the others were; in fact he almost appeared to be her own Watcher of sorts.

"Yeah, well, Dawn hasn't been at her best either, she has been sick for nearly 5 days now. There is something really weird going on with her. She gets really confused and can't even remember who she is at times. She always seems to be really scared and horrified, going on about lots of death. She called out a name once but I didn't quite catch it. But I know it was a name, she kept talking to someone"

Giles cleaned his glasses again and placed them on the coffee table. "Well, it appears we have two major issues at hand here. I think perhaps we should have someone thoroughly research Dawn's condition, maybe she is possessed by a ghost; either way we should get the full story. As for Buffy, Willow, be a best-friend and get her to talk to you. Since she is so much happier, today would be the best time to get her to open up to you. So who wants to be on Dawn-duty?"

Wesley raised his head. "I'll handle that, Illyria can read mystical entities, so she maybe rather helpful"

Illyria twisted her head around. "You want me to baby-sit a mentally damaged child? What do you take me for?"

"Dawn is not 'mentally damaged' Illyria, she is sick and needs our help. It wouldn't hurt you to use that heart of yours every once in a-Good Lord, why do I even bother?"

Illyria looked down at him with a concerned gaze, believe it or not. "Because it's all you ever do besides drink whisky, glass after glass…and call me a Smurf"

Faith cracked up laughing and fell off her chair. Gunn almost did the same but was stopped by a serious question. "Wesley, how much _are_ you drinking these days?"

Wesley looked across the room at his long time friend and spoke truthfully. "About as much as you are I'd wager"

Gunn looked down sadly before standing up and leaving the room.

Once everything had dived into the very awkward moment that no one likes, Cordelia tried to break the ice. "You guys should probably get a move on 'cos I don't know about you but I don't think we should leave those two alone for longer than we have to"

Giles nodded. "Good idea, Wesley, Illyria and Willow; we'll take notes of the rest of the meeting for you"

The three of them gave a small nod and left the building, taking a lot of the metaphorical ice with them. However some of it was replaced by the uneasiness between Cordy and Xander.

While the rest of the gathered gang went on with the meeting, they sat next to each other in almost silence for the most part of it; that was until Xander couldn't take it anymore. "So, it's nice to see you in town again Cordy"

She didn't look at him as she spoke. "Yeah, I kinda hoped I would never come back here"

She didn't have to look at his face to see the hurt that flashed across it. "Oh, right…sorry you had to come back then"

Cordelia looked up and sighed. "Look Xander, I'm a very different person now than I was when I left, I've moved on with my life and made something of it…sort of"

Xander laughed mockingly. "Right, I heard you died, obviously that didn't work out for you. And for your information I moved on with my life too, a very long time ago"

"Yeah, and I heard how not-well that ended. You left your demon-girlfriend at the alter and then she was killed. Plus, you went and got yourself that neat little prize didn't you?"

She indicated to the patch that covered his left eye.

"She was an EX-demon and a lot happened between the non-wedding and her death. I got a lot further than you though, you didn't even get engaged"

"That maybe so, but I still fell in love and kept my partner _alive_"

"The guy is already dead, so that doesn't count"

"He can still die though"

"Could you just explain something to me? What does Angel have that I don't?"

Cordelia laughed. "Are you serious? He has _everything_ you don't have which is pretty much all of it!"

"How did you even come back from the dead anyway?"

"Well, I'm not entirely sure what happened but I think that I got sent back to Earth because I was too human for Hell but too demon for Heaven"

"That actually makes complete sense, let me put it simply for ya; you got rejected big time!"

"Screw you Harris!"

With that, she jumped up and stormed out of the room, leaving the rest of the room puzzled by what had just happened. Xander on the other hand wasn't confused or angry, he was sad.

* * *

Willow went in search of Buffy but failed in success. She didn't have a clue where Buffy would go these days, so she settled for waiting at home for her instead; hoping she would come home soon.

Exploring Buffy's bedroom for clues was the first thing she did in the mean time, this plan proved much more fruitful.

* * *

Buffy had been all around town looking for where Spike might have escaped to. She had gone to his crypt and found some sucker fledgling, who she had staked out of pure annoyance. She checked the demon bars, she checked all the cemeteries...where could he be? It wasn't like the weakling in his crypt would have been a problem. Where else had Spike lived? The factory was all burnt out, the old mansion held too much sorrow and distress, the underground tunnels and sewers were too low for him now. The only other place she could think of that he might go was her house, in the basement.

So home she went, trotting down the street with a look of ghostly pleasure. When she got in the front door and headed for the kitchen, she was halted by a voice calling from upstairs. She gazed yearningly at the basement door, but even though it was killing her not to be near him, she didn't want everyone else to suspect anything yet. It was Willow who was calling her, so she figured it must have been important, and when she found Willow sitting on _her _bed in _her _room holding _his _coat she knew she was in trouble on that front.

"Hey Buffy, got anything you might wanna share?"

"Like what, Will?" She played the innocent card even though she already knew she was screwed.

"Like the fact that you've been keeping secrets from me," she held up the coat to emphasize her point, "You and I both know whose coat this is and we both know he was wearing it when he died. What did you do, Buffy?"

"I didn't do anything, I found the coat in the basement"

"Don't play coy with me, Buffy, he would never leave the house without it"

"Well I guess he forgot that one time, it's not a crime"

"It is when you're keeping secrets from us; remember what happened last time, with Angel?"

"That was so different, you guys had good reasons for fearing Angel. Last you knew he was all with the not-soul-having and he tried to destroy the world. Spike can't lose his soul like that and he died for the world so don't go trying to use that as a marker in your side of the debate. And anyway it all turned out alright in the end"

"That wasn't what I meant, I was meaning in 'do you remember what happened with the gang'?"

Buffy's eyes went cold. "They don't have the right to tell me what to do anymore, they never did"

"Why haven't you spoken to anyone lately? Everyone misses you"

"Really? Why?"

"What? Because they're your best friends, Buffy, they care about you"

"No they don't, last year you all turned on me and kicked me out of my own house. Not one of you stood up for me that night, not even you. What kind of friends turn on you right when it matters most? I didn't know what I was doing, I was running off my instincts which had never failed me before. But apparently none of that mattered because you all jumped at the game of turning me into a depressed, useless, broken girl when only a vampire could save me. Spike was the only one who really stood by me, he is the only one I want to be around anymore. I hate all of you, and you can tell that to Giles!"

Buffy snatched Spike's coat from Willow's shaky hands and bolted down the stairs and out the back door with a slam. Willow sat in shock, she didn't know how to take this. Buffy was right, about everything, she was right. They had no right to call themselves her friends, Willow wished she knew how to repair the damage.

* * *

Buffy made sure the door had been loud enough for the whole house to hear before sneaking down into the basement. "Spike? Are you down here?"

"How'd you guess, pet?"

Spike emerged from the corner and gazed up proudly.

"I'm a Slayer Psychic" she walked down the stairs and stood close to him. "So, is this where you plan to hide for the rest of forever?"

"Not unless you say so, pet"

"Well, I would love to keep you down here for the rest of _my _life but I think the world is a much better place to hide in, don't you think so?"

He smiled warmly. "The world is yours, Slayer, where do you want to go?"

"Hmm...the _Bronze_ perhaps. I guess I really suck when it comes to travelling. Was there anywhere in particular you wanted to show me?"

"England, New York, Canada...I don't know either, Sunnydale has always been the most interesting place. So, a late night dance it is"

"I can think of nothing else to do, planning on whisking me off my feet?"

"Night wouldn't be right without it"

* * *

When Spike had first agreed to return to Sunnydale, he hadn't been expecting much. Angel had made him swear he wouldn't let anyone know he was alive; especially not Buffy. Bloody Peaches had to have her to himself or miserable; bloody wanker. The plan had been that Spike would keep himself busy with 'stalking' Buffy while the group did the meeting thing and then everyone would go back to L.A. But that had all changed now.


End file.
